It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shame - the story of my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
