I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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