i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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