He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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