So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
