Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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