It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
