Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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