Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
