the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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