I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
