In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
