i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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