Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
