Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
