please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
