Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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