I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
