that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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