thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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