I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
