i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
