My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
