Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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