thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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