You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
