I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
even my farts smell like vagina
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
