in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
