just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
