trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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