i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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