Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
