You just made me feel so damn special
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
