You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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