Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
