Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
