I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
