so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
