none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
