4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
