i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
