Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she smelled like a LAN party
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
