Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
