The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
