What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
