Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
