I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize