I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
