I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
