i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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