after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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