So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
