Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
