I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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